Wednesday, July 29, 2009

If God is real, why is there suffering?

I was asked this week by someone, if God is real why did you get swine flu? My response was why not? Why is it that people attribute suffering to being punished by God? Or that God allows it to happen? Why also do people assume that God should protect everyone from any kind of suffering?
I don't find anywhere in the Bible that it says that because I believe in God that He will put up an impenetrable barrier to protect me from any kind of suffering. The bible says that suffering creates character, It does not say that God is a magic maker, or fairy floss kind of a deity. He is not a magic 8 ball that we can ask questions and have the right answer instantly. He is God.

People forget that if we really and truly believe that there is a supreme being who is perfect that maybe we will not understand why things happen. If you did understand why things happen, would you be able to stand it? Really all the responsibility, all the death, all the suffering and the answers to why people die, why some people don't suffer much at all and how it equates with eternity, how it balances right now? If you think you could handle it, good for you. I think my brain would explode, literally.

Ok so why do people die? Some people die young some very old some before they are born. How can this be right? innocent babies that haven't taken a breath yet? What is the purpose in it, is there any purpose in it? How can God allow it?
Have you considered what it would be like if no one died? Now for the people you love it would be wonderful, but what about people like Hitler, Genghis Khan, Mass murderers etc. Can we say that only bad people should die? How do you define bad then? Hitler thought he was doing the right thing and so did everyone who followed him. Many people who do "bad" things don't feel that they are doing wrong. Where do you draw the line? You can't necessarily go on feelings because they change so much and so quickly sometimes. I felt horrid yesterday and today I feel better, in 12 hours my mood has changed completely.
Eventually every one dies. This is life. You are born, you live, you get old and then you die, if you are lucky. I nearly died about 3 weeks ago. I had swine flu (I didn't know it at the time) and we went away to a remote area I got sick and went into respiratory failure. An epi pen saved me. Now I could say "Why me? this is crap it ruined my holiday, and now I am tired most of the time and have had trouble recouperating, why did you let this happen to me God?" But as I stated before God doesn't promise us that we won't suffer. Now if we can look at the bad stuff, the crappy horrible make your toes curl garbage that invariably happens to us some time or another and think, what can I learn from this? Or can I help someone else by using this experience? Sometimes people need empathy (comfort from someone who has been through a similar experience) not sympathy. If we didn't suffer would we be as effective getting along side those people who are suffering?

The other thing I want to put to you is this who are you that you can tell God how your life should be? I am a small human in the grand scheme of things (just see how big our sun is to see how small and insignificant we are - and thats not the biggest planet out there people) suddenly we think we know everything and should be able to tell God (remember the definition above - a supreme being who is perfect plus he made all that awesome massive twinkly stuff out there) how our lives should be going. EEk! Its like a child telling a parent they should be able to have chocolate all the time, too bad about the tooth decay, weight gain, lack of vitamins and minerals and fibre to help the body run. Exercise hurts but we have to do it to avoid heart attack and to have a healthy life.

I believe that God Loves me enough to know when to say no and stop. I also believe that he knows the plan for the world and for my life because I believe that if God is God, then he has to be a perfect supreme being. In being perfect that means I believe that He doesn't make mistakes - ever. Now your reeling. Suddenly we are back at the initial question if God loves us so much why does He allow suffering? Why does bad stuff happen? I don't always understand, actually I understand very little (just ask my husband when he is trying to explain a car engine to me) and in truth I don't want to. It is too much responsibility for me to handle.
Why did I get sick and nearly die? I don't know. Why did I live when others have died? I don't know. All I know is this I believe that God is in control, of everything. I also know that I don't want to be in control of everything, its too much to handle for me, and so it means I don't understand - and I don't think thats bad. I can say I am very grateful that it wasn't my kids or my neices or nephews, or my husband or sister or brother in law. I would much rather have it happen to me than them. I can't bear to think of how I would have coped if we had to do CPR on any of them, but in saying that if it had happened to them I believe that God is still in control and I would have learnt, coped and got on with the situation.

Its a pickle and it can mess your head up. If you don't believe in God then this is all irrelevant. If you are questioning God, I think thats good - I think that God thinks thats good aswell. Any communication is better than none! It isn't wrong to ask why and it isn't bad to question God. I know that God really and truly loves us so much that we don't understand it at all, it goes beyond our small brains (and even the larger brains among us) through His perfectness and absolute Deity. If you think God is bad, well that defeats the purpose of God doesn't it?

I myself would rather suffer some and learn. I want to have the capacity to help others, to have empathy for people in similar situations. I want to grow and become more like the God I believe in and have situations that make me hold tightly on to Him, to seek him out and ask him Why? It isn't fun, don't think I enjoy the suffering, its horrid and very often I think that i could live in a cave away from everything and everyone and my suffering would be limited extremely. However I do not, and I am thankful for a cup of tea, and a warm bed. I am also thankful I don't understand, I can wait for that. Suffering will happen, always has and always will. Use it as a situation to seek out God and His purpose for your life, to find the love that really and truly exists. Ask the ugly Hard questions, He can handle it, He is God. And despite what you may be thinking He really and truly loves you so much that He died for you on a cross. No other religion teaches that about any of their Deities. He knew we couldn't do it alone, and he loved us and made the sacrifice. Do you know that even if no one accepted His teaching He still would have done it? We all have the opportunity to come freely and be accepted and loved for exactly who we are right now. God made you and He doesn't make mistakes - ever!

Romans 5

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, wea]">[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And web]">[b] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but wec]">[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.




Monday, July 27, 2009

Communication

Communication is not one of my strengths. I don't think it has ever been. I need to think for a week before I speak (just so it makes sense) and if you talk to me about something, it may very well sink in a fortnight later. I will have been paying attention, I might have even been making mental or written notes at the time, I have to mentally digest stuff before it makes sense for me sometimes.

Given that, it makes life interesting for my husband, who is quick off the mark, and can often see future problems that might occur in a nanosecond and can plan to avoid them with as much efficiency.

Keeps us on our toes with our marriage too. Very often I will sit with a blank look on my face, nearly dribbling, because I am thinking about what he has said to me, and he thinks that I am ignoring him. Sometimes I haven't heard him, sometimes I am so tired that my brain has gone into power save mode, sometimes I am just rude.

The more I look at marriage and partnerships and relationships the more I realise that so often in life we think that it is all about ME. How do I feel, what do I want out of this, where is the Bang in it for me? Have you ever considered that in serving the other person (good grief here we go!) that you might actually do yourself a favour? Now I don't mean make your partner a roast while they bash you ok, if that is you, best to get out for your safety and for any kids around too (I know a Christian who thinks sometimes you should separate - Ye Gads!). BUT when you serve the other person in your relationship instead of seeking all the benefit for yourself, you will return a balance to the relationship. Giving is part of Loving. Sometimes it hurts, alot. Sometimes it doesn't feel justified or repayed in part, let alone in full. If you love someone then you will sacrifice for them (oohhh its nasty isn't it?) You may not be able to afford that beautiful embroidery machine you desperately want (need - ahem!), Ah or tonight you may have to do those dishes because tea was cooked so well....

When you give without adding strings, like "tonight don't worry about the dishes, the world wont stop" (and it doesn't, never has) when you give room to move to the other person, cut them some slack it fosters a want to serve you too. Now don't do this just so you can get something back, thats manipulation (and I reckon most times we can see when its being done to us, so just assume your partner is as clever as you or me and they can see that too). Do it because you have a regard for that person. Remember when you loved them at the beginning and you would do almost ANYTHING for them? When you relax, don't worry about what you will get out of it, and just do it for the other person, you leave room for the other person to reciprocate. Dont expect to get adulation from the crowd people, sometimes it comes in the form of holding your tongue and letting something go rather than turning the fact that he dumped his socks on the floor (Again!) into a homicidal rampage that consumes your whole evening. Yep its hard, never ever wanted you to think it was going to be easy. You never know though, after a while your partner might stop nagging you about something that drives them insane too.

Today you might have to refrain from trying to manipulate your partner so you can have what you want. Manipulation is insidious, and destroying to a relationship. It kills the reason for love, because the love is used against the person giving it, and will crush a heart. Domination is destroying, it allows no room for movement, it constricts and represses the individual. Very often these two creep into marriage very subtly.
Not telling your partner something is the same as lying. If you have a problem with your significant other, they would be the best one to talk to first, not last!
The main thing to remember is that the other person maybe driving you insane, it happens, but consider that you will drive that person nuts at other times. You can't avoid it, you aren't perfect - neither am I. I drive my husband nuts, I have mood swings and don't sleep enough, I have my own ideas that I am convinced are the ONLY way to do things. If I get a bee in my bonnet I will not listen to ANYTHING he has to say. I won't list all my faults but I want you to know I know this through personal experience. He in turn drives me nuts. For his sake I won't list the deeds here, but be assured sometimes I want to grab him and shake him and say "What on earth is going on in there??????" When I have one of those moments (they usually happen three or four at a time - for him too!) I remember all the crap he has put up with from me. Those times he was right (even makes me wince now saying it - there is some pride for you) and I have insisted on my own way, and it has all been wrong and we have wasted time, or money or both, or energy that could have been used for much much more useful things, and I hurt him, and what a waste that is. Or he has been right, I have known it and still tried to convince him and myself that he was really wrong. Here comes manipulation, and I can shout pretty good and like to give that a good belting around the house too, and there is Domination.

So where am I going with this? Good communication will strengthen a relationship as long as you are communicating with your partner and not bitching about them to everyone else. KNOW your own weaknesses and acknowledge them, and work a way around them. I just told Ash, I am not ignoring you (right now), it just takes a while for me to digest, I need to think for a while. Realise that they are not perfect, and acknowledge the fact that you aren't either. Know that relationships are not easy, it is not a B grade love story at the movies, it takes blood, sweat and tears, you may want to run them over a couple of times, or leave or scream or all of the above.
Know that sticking with it will enrich your relationship and working together and without an agenda for you will help no end. A partnership or relationship is about giving, and love is about giving, and not so much about recieving. Being involved with another person is about the "US" and not so much about the "ME".

Look at your significant other this week, ask yourself, could I be more gentle, more giving? Has this partnership become a way for me to take and not to give? If you decide to start giving (YAY you!) don't expect that you will have the angels descend and that the world will sing your praises, expect that it will be hard and that you may not see the results immediately. In my humble opinion (and I am a young snapper that has only been married 11 years) it will be worth it. You decided to stay with that person for a reason, and you are relatively intelligent right!, give it a go, and find what attracted you in the first place. Do something different this week, give a bit and don't attach the strings. You might be pleasantly surprised!

1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tonguesa]">[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b]">[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.